I cried all night
by Hananiah
Summary: Anakin and Padme's marriage is shaken when Padme loses her baby. Post attack of the clones AU


Title: I cried all night  
Summery: Anakin and Padme's marriage is rocked when Padme loses their baby  
disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, but George Lucas  
  
There was supposed to be crying. Anakin Skywalker knew that, newborn babies were supposed to cry so loudly that the whole med centre should be shaking.  
There was nothing but silence coming from the theatre and the Jedi felt fear coil into his belly and create a hard, cold lump in his stomach, so big he couldn't breath.  
Something was wrong, something was very, very wrong; he felt it with heartbeat and every concerned look the healers exchanged.  
Shakily he took Padme's hand as the cloak-clad healer took his little boy to a nearby table and began working on him. Padme herself was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open but she forced herself to sit up, trying to see her baby.  
  
"What's happening?"  
  
Anakin squeezed tighter, trying to deny what was going on. He had to be strong for Padme but his whole body was yelling the truth and he couldn't hide it for long.   
  
"What's..Please...tell me...." Padme croaked, her whole face bloated and red tears of exertion still on her face. She looked to Anakin and then to the doctor, begging for something...anything.  
  
Finally the healer turned and Anakin knew; he knew without one shadow of a doubt. His whole body crumbled and his hearing collapsed although he could see the healer's mouth open and form words.  
  
His whole body was one aching mass of misery and grief, his chest hurt so much that he clawed at his tunic trying to create a space so he could claw a breath. He turned to Padme who herself looked as if she were frozen in stone. There were no tears just a look of complete unknowingness.  
  
He couldn't be here anymore. Gently he released Padme's hand and bolted for the door; he knew he should be beside Padme but he couldn't deal with 't accept this pain, it couldn't be right.  
  
As he breached the door he doubled over the pain becoming physical. A hot burning sensation that stole the strength from his limbs. He could barely stand. He opened his mouth to sob; to let this terrible black thing out but all came out was a short gasp.  
  
Freedom was revered by slaves and Anakin needed it now; more then ever, without thinking he started to walk; not knowing where, he needed to be somewhere where he could be alone.  
  
Padme leaned her head against her pillows. She blinked, her eyelids hurting as she did so. She had no tears; she was too drained to tired and to numb to feel anything but severe empitness.  
  
Everything ceased to matter.  
  
There was nothing in the universe but the quietness in her head; she could understand nothing and everything in one beautiful clear moment.  
  
Moving independently of her body she laughed, a dry sound that penetrated the healer's gloom. One looked at her worriedly then remarked to another:  
  
"Bless her she's trying to cry"  
  
'No I'm not; I'm laughing' Padme corrected them silently but it was too much effort to make her vocal cords work so she just smiled.  
  
Obi Wan gently ran his hand over Padme's arm once, sending her into a deep sleep. With one obstacle down he knew he had to find Anakin.  
  
His search took him to a stairwell on the other side of the healer's wing; the furthest place you could get without actually leaving the healers. Obi Wan understood the message.  
Anakin had wanted to escape; however he knew he couldn't.  
  
"There you are; we were getting worried" he kept his voice pitched low and conversational. He knew that Padme and Anakin were coming to grips with the tragedy from two points; Padme was in total denial and Anakin couldn't see outside his grief.  
  
"I needed to get out"  
  
Obi Wan sat down beside him offering him comfort but remaining a little apart.  
  
"I can't deal with this Obi Wan, it's too big"  
  
"Yes you can," Obi Wan corrected with great gentleness.  
  
Anakin snorted. "Because I am a Jedi?"  
  
"No. Because you are a husband, and you love Padme very much"  
  
"It didn't happen" Anakin muttered, "I don't believe that it happened.... to me"   
  
"It did happen; and you know it" Obi Wan said   
  
"No. It's not fair it's not fair" Anakin cried  
  
"I had so many plans, we were going to do so much and now..."   
  
"Didn't Padme have plans too? Obi Wan asked quietly   
  
"Of course!" Anakin exploded, Obi Wan hoped he was getting through but it quickly faded  
  
"I know it's not fair Anakin; and if I could help you take this pain away I would. But I can't. You need to be with Padme; you need to grieve and you need to heal"  
  
"I can't"  
  
"Say it Anakin" Obi Wan instructed.  
  
"We lost our baby" Anakin choked out; he was openly crying now, his muscles in his face tightening and causing a pallor to settle upon his face.  
  
Obi Wan motioned around him. "The world is still here. Padme is still in her room, waiting for her husband to come to her; to grieve with her." Obi Wan shifted so he faced Anakin directly.   
  
"Anakin you lost something today, you have every right to be angry and upset but you haven't lost everything; you have Padme and she loves you" he looked away, his eyes cast down.  
  
"I didn't see that at first and I'm sorry; the code has been etched into my psyche for so long" he raised his head.  
  
"But Padme loves you"  
  
"And that's enough?"  
  
Obi Wan cocked his head thoughtfully, for a long moment the master was silent.  
  
"It's going to have to be. At least for a while"   
  
"It hurts Master" Anakin managed, he hugged Obi Wan hard, feeling for all the world he was that ten year old boy again. Obi Wan hugged him back tightly.  
  
"You will get through this Anakin; I promise"  
  
It was an hour later when Anakin finally gained the courage enough to attempt to see Padme. He paused at the doorway watching her face.  
  
She was staring straight ahead; her body making the sounds and movements of grief but her face was controlled and unemotional.  
  
Anakin recognized that her grief was being pent up. Softly he came forward, gently touching her hand to alert her of his presence.  
  
"I lost our baby, Ani. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry"  
  
It was as if something had been released and Padme choked once and tears began to fall. She clung to Anakin.  
  
"It's not your fault, Padme. It happened but we're going to be okay"   
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
Anakin wanted to say more but couldn't get the words out so climbed on the bed and smiled slightly as Padme snuggled by his side; they were united as husband and wife.  
  
And they would be stronger for it.


End file.
